the cuppboard

Returning, Questions, and Recommended Reading

So why continue blogging? Not because I have any answers, that’s for sure, but because I still have so many questions, and I need to put them somewhere. One question weighing heavy on me is a piece of Catholic theology that I haven’t been able to embrace: the rejection of sola fide. A lack of understanding, I think, drives my discomfort, like its driven all my misgivings in the past. But every time I think about rejecting sola fide, it just makes my heart heavy, makes me feel like I have a load on my shoulders. If anyone has a good read on this subject, send it my way. I don’t necessarily need reading against sola fide, just something painting a good and clear image of the Catholic Church’s teaching on the subject.

I am also afraid of my pride. If I would ever convert, this would tangle up my heart. I can feel it starting already. I can feel my lip curl when I see a certain book on marriage in my parents home: “You’re reading that?” The disdain is evident in my voice, even if I don’t mean it to be. I start feeling like, “oh those poor people. If they only searched like I have, they would know the truth like I do”.

I’m not saying this is the Church’s fault. Of course not! It’s me, all me! Pride has always been a thorn in my side. But I’m just not sure how to overcome it. I mean, if I find the truth, I know it is Christ who has brought me near, not my own awesomeness or cleverness or intelligence. But then, what does that mean for all the others? All those intelligent, faithful, seeking Christians I leave behind? What does it mean for my parents, my Christian college professors? Surely they’ve asked these questions, too. Why didn’t they come to the same answers?

Beginning to blog again! :)